America for Rent Franchise Plants the IPO Seed

America for Rent Franchise Plants the IPO Seed

[ Recap and setup: please READ”America for Rent Franchise Plants the IPO Seed – CEO Reveals ARF’s Mission to Save America.” ]

“God, I love the smell of FOX in the morning….”

The Mission

“Yes, a noble mission: Saving America…Yet, tight schedules, with no commitments, driven by high need: what a conundrum. Help! Now what?”

The Vision

“Well, God didn’t create that Netflix business model just for movies! Let’s rent something.”

“Although that something must be real and meet our needs, it can’t require too much of our precious time and attention. It can’t require commitment.”

“You understand, all of you, it has to fit into our essential schedule of things without requiring a real commitment. Be real in meeting our needs, yes, but not so real as to require anything long-term from us.”

“We’ve field tested women, but that just does not offer a cost-effective or time-efficient solution. Too, our risk assessment outcomes on that one have not met the minimal, reasonable and acceptable safety threshold. And some women, in fact 73% according to our survey rapid feedback form, object to being field tested.”

“No, another kind of fury pet, with wagging tail, is what we crave. We need to find a pet. But just for a little while. You know in these times of instant gratification and immediate feedback, with no strings attached, we can still handle a leash.”

“Just trot down the street, looking all debonair, like we just stepped out of a gentleman’s club. Spin off into a green space somewhere for a little romp. And then, before we lose our breath, just take doggy back for the next humanized metrosexual to share. No dogging a good thing.”

“And a dog would be the only way to go. Can’t do cats. They’re too independent and finicky – almost as disorienting to personal space and time as a woman. No ‘relationship’ for us – maybe some dating, certainly some romance – but no committed relationships. Yeah, dogs will do.”

“Once we get the hang of this – or maybe start getting a little bored with its predictability and reliability, we might even want to take this “Spot” thing and diversify a little. If it works for one-night stands, trial marriages, and pre-nuptials, why not other niches of human personal and familial need?”

“Rent-a-kid sounds like an idea with potential. Like something you’d hear about on “Good Morning, America” or read that Oprah was starting up in Africa somewhere. You could rent a kid from different stages of maturation or development.”

“In our temporary, just a moment in time, throw away society, who has time for a baby? Wow, what a responsibility! And commitment? Even a woman doesn’t really expect eighteen years of commitment. (And that’s such a relief – can you imagine eighteen years with one woman. So tedious…)”

“So sure, have a rent-an-infant and rent-a-toddler, preschooler, kindergartner, maybe a third grader. Then, the top of the grand faux parenting mountain would be rent a middle schooler and (gasp) a frosh brat.”

“The caveat here is teens can be problematic, even traumatic. So only someone with lots of experience with younger, short-termer kids should try it with a teen. You know, like maybe three weeks experience trial parenting.”

“And then there’s the other end of the aging spectrum to maximize. Rent-a-grandma sounds viable. With the rising number of seniors and the declining number of two-parent families, why those two are as inviting as steaming cinnamon buns and icy cold milk. But let’s start with the kids. Grandma’s can be difficult to manage. Easy to recruit, but difficult to manage.”

The Marketing Plan

“Any way and all ways, once this “rent something” goes big time, think global. The possibilities for offshore out-sourcing and global markets are huge.”

“Think of all the people in India or China who don’t have time for anything – except to stay out of each other’s way. They would climb over one another to get to the chance to hold off on getting kids of their own.”

“And France would be appropriĆ©. All those young French girls running around, loose, with no where to go. They’d be naturals. Just line them up and offer every tourist getting off at DeGaulle a really good deal for a few hours love. So de rigueur, yet in a genteel way. An amour au naturel, if you will.”

“The UK might have to be brought in later. Those English either want to give it away or buy three of them – especially if it’s here in America.”

“The possibilities are endless. Disregarding differences in the cultures and peoples of the world, this rent-a-whatever is made for globalization.”

“Of course, we’ll have to have it all organized and stuff. We will have ARF’s global corporate headquarters here in the USA. We’re negotiating with the European Union for a regional hub there, maybe in Bern. And we’re exploring the possibilities of an Asiaian hub. Tokyo probably will get the nod over Shanghi or Singapore.”

Security and Identification

“The Japanese are really big on caring for dogs. Of course, with the population of dogs in Japan increasing and the fertility rate of Japanese decreasing, that might be a shot-term market. Too, in some parts of Asia, dogs are common fare for dinner, so the screening process of renters would have to require valid identification.”


“I don’t know about passports. They seem pretty tenuous and unreliable sometimes. Maybe some kind of special, global identification could be worked out.”

“You know, like a number on your forehead of something. And the U.N. could be in charge of marking sure everything went according to plan.”

Investors and ROI

Our Chinese investors have some sway, but they, like the Saudis, will remain silent partners – at least in the first phase of deployment. The Saudis, in fact, disavow any knowledge of ARF. Riyadh has issued a statement saying that ARF would not be welcome in the Middle East, at this time.

“Then, there’s the Marketing and PR part, per se. Do a point-counterpoint with CNN and Fox, at least. Maybe we could get Wolf Blitzer to try the concept out. And the media princess on Fox – wow, what a market. One dog could be shared among four or five of these news wonder babes – of course, then doggie would have to be retired, for a little while anyway, to revive and get its ‘bark back.'”.


“Now, don’t get me wrong, there nothing wrong with the groups that rescue strays and such, like Rent-A-Pet-Program. And Rent a Pet may be visionary entrepreneurs in marketizing this concept. But, they are so small-scale. And…

(Excuse me, let me take this…”

“Yes, Barack, what is it? … Yes, I remember you’re having dinner with the corporate team tonight. No, no – you’ll be fine. Hilliary won’t be there. Promise. And I’ve already talked to security and they know to let you up. Great! Ciao.”)

“So, to wrap up today’s news conference: next we will try this out in practice, not just do the whiteboard conceptuals and theoreticals. There are bound to be glitches and challenges – maybe even a problem or two. We don’t want our wonderful lives ‘going to the dogs’ – at least, not until we’ve stuffed those accounts in the Caymans, hmmm?

“And then? Well, there may be that ‘last million we need.’ So then we could revisit that “C” thing or commitment. But only with a pre-nup, of course.”

He finished off his Absopure bottled water, leaned comfortably into the lectern, and waited for the first question from the media. The Fox babes on the front row, with their obvious newsworthy assets, had hung on his every word – he would give them first turn.

God, he loved the smell of FOX in the morning…